You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
