playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize