dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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