We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
