there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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