just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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