apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
