That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
