Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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