I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
