she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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