you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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