they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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