I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
