Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
