He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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