you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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