i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
