the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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