i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize