Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
