What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
