I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
