I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
