gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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