There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
