Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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