Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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