There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize