the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
