i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
