i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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