Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
