Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
