if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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