I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
