I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
