If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
