why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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