Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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