Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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