Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
