Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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