she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
