I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
