a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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