i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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