I wanna bring you to show and tell
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
