You can't motorboat a personality
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
