the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
