Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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