i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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