I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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