hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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