my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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