If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
