o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
