You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
