theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
