Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
