I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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