lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
