Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
