A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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