are you so shy because you have an std?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize