You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
