Nicole vs. Life
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
