Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
